Clinton Township Newsletter

C L I N TO N TOW N S H I P N ews l e t t e r ® "You know you're in a small town when you dial the wrong number and talk for 15 minutes anyway." – Anonymous May J u l i e F ly n n , E d i t o r 2013 "To H--- with Elle!" by EDITOR'S COLUMN Ruth Keesing Unless you've been living in a cave, you know who Elle Macpherson is. A gorgeous supermodel whose body has been defying gravity for 49 years. I hate her! Well... not actually "hate", but strenuously envy her. I read an article recently solving the mysteries of her Killer curves. I just may give it a shot. Her hair is long and blonde and luxurious because she uses fish oil supplements and a spray that gives her a "fresh from the beach' look. Should I swallow the fish oil or rub it on my scalp? Nobody would believe I was fresh from the beach" on Charlotte Drive, but how about "fresh from the Supermarket"? Elle's so-called stomach is almost concave. No wonder– she hikes and goes paddle-boarding and takes "hot" yoga classes. I walk around the neighborhood, but find paddle boarding in the Raritan River a real challenge. My yoga classes are only hot when the air conditioner isn't functioning properly. My stomach looks like there is an 8 month old fetus residing therein. She attributes the beauty of her legs to running, spinning and tennis. I could no longer run to catch a train to paradise and, as for spinning, I have been unable to locate a spinning wheel in the Democrat's classified section. Tennis is a no-no; a short game of ping pong is more likely. She says, "Every day I get up and do something." Amazing, because I already do that. Her face is wrinkle free, but then she's 49 and I'm 85. She scrubs her skin twice a day and reaches for antioxidant-rich snacks such as almonds and dark chocolate. So do I. Are her almonds salted? Does she use Dove or Hershey's dark chocolate? I must be using the wrong brands. The less said about upper arms the better. My upper arms hang limply– sagging sorrowfully and blowing in the summer breeze like wet sheets on a clothesline. Elle's secret is surfing. Why didn't I think of that? Again, the Raritan River just doesn't cut it and, until they lower the speed limit on the Garden State Parkway to 35 mph, my trips to the ocean are just a memory. She does pushups, as well. I cannot do pushups anymore. I just cannot. Finally, she has green tea and fruit for breakfast while I lean towards Entenmann's crumb cake and black coffee. Her lunch might be brown rice or barley with veggies. I very nearly throw up just thinking about it. She eats fish for dinner and I don't eat fish EVER. Even her "splurges" are feeble excuses for tasty food (coconut curry, as an example.) Pass the chocolate chip mint ice cream. H While our publication is named "The Clinton Township Newsletter", a more apt description might be "The Hunterdon County Newsletter (and beyond)." I hear from non-profits, businesses, readers and event organizers from not only all over our county, but from other parts of the State (and other states too!) It seems that the Little Newsletter That Could is getting out there and getting known. Not to sound hyperbolic (a crime that I perpetually commit) but, in my opinion, we live in the best town in the best county in this country. I don't have the scientific data on that – it's just my slant. However, if you take a look at some of the actual statistics, you'll see that you all are some of the healthiest, wealthiest and wisest of Americans. I tell my kids all the time; Clinton Township (and Hunterdon County) are very special – it's not like this elsewhere. With Benjamin Franklin's quote in mind, the Newsletter is, in fact, always evolving. In addition to our beloved print format, we do realize that our readers appreciate the internet (as do we). So, with that in mind, we've created an online, high resolution, "virtual flip" version of our publication with "click-to-zoom" for easy reading. Not to brag, but we think it's pretty cool. (Okay, we're bragging.) Visit ClintonTwpNewsletter.com and check out the latest version of our publication or scan this QR code with your iPhone. You can now access the Newsletter on all devices that are connected to the internet... iPads, tablets, iPhone, Droid phones. Now you can take us with you to find out more about our Township, our schools, our listed events and the nonprofits behind them. When you shop locally, we'll help you find out more about our advertisers' offers and promotions because now, through our online Newsletter, their ads will link to their websites. A big "thank you!" goes to local web developer Linda Siegel, who not only helped us figure out all of the technical stuff, but also will be providing her gorgeous photography from in-and-around our area. If that's not enough, our readers can now search, share (email/Facebook/Twitter etc.) and save content of interest. So, thanks for sharing... in advance! Speaking of which, if you have friends and relatives who used to live in Clinton Township but have moved to other places, please forward this to them and let them know that they can still easily stay connected to our Township. For archived issues (which are still available as downloadable PDFs) on the Township website, just go to: www.township.clinton.nj.us/newsletter.htm. We're pretty much everywhere you turn these days. continue deliver the printed version M o t h e r ' s Of course, we'll stilland love totoyour home. We always love that you know D to hear from you – not only what you like about us, but ! M a –Benjamin Franklin ay It soon becomes obvious that I am unlikely to emulate this chick. I am going to re-adjust my attitude and my expectations so as to be able to better cope with failure. It's a small consolation, but she will be 85 some day. Alas, I won't be around to gloat! y pp "When you are finished changing, you're finished." a y also what's not working for you. We hope that you will continue to enjoy the Newsletter in all formats! And, as always, thank you for reading us! 2 0 1 3 –Julie Flynn 1

• To H--- with Elle!