Clinton Township Newsletter

C L I N TO N TOW N S H I P N ews l e t t e r �� ���No I cannot forget where it is that I come from... I cannot forget the people who love me. Yeah, I can be myself here in this small town... and people let me be just what I want to be.��� ��� John Mellencamp, Small Town M A R C H 2013 J U L I E F LY N N , E D I T O R ���Self Help for Dummies��� BY EDITOR���S COLUMN RUTH KEESING ���Diligence is the mother of good luck.������ Benjamin Franklin I���m certain there are more self-help books published than copies of the Upon graduating from college my dad, a man of the ���self-made, old school��� Bible. It matters not the malady, somewhere an author has a cure for any and all mind/body disorders. Here is an actual list of books that variety, offered me a ���this���ll-get-you-through-the-next-three-weeks��� check, and the following congratulations, with some between-the-lines messages: might be of interest. ���Congratulations Honey! I���m so proud of you!��� ���Do What you Love; the Money will Follow���. What I love is sleeping late, (Since you���re the youngest, The ���Bank of Dad��� is now closed. Yeah!!!) eating steak and ice cream and shopping for shoes. I���ve been doing ���Good luck on getting your ���rst job!��� these things for years now so I have to assume the money has lost me (Times are tough out there. You might want to skip in its sight and hasn���t followed close enough to catch up. I���m waiting! tonight���s graduation party and start looking for a job ���rst thing in the morning.) ���The Breathing Book���. If there is one thing I���m able to accomplish unaided Well, I immediately spent that money on cheap, sparkly jewelry, (I needed it, okay?!!!) and then realized that the ���Bank of Julie��� was quickly running out it���s breathing. This is one I won���t purchase. of funds. With my rent coming due, I began to view large cardboard boxes ���Finding Meaning in the Secdifferently, thinking, ���Hmm, could I make a comfortable home of that box on ond Half of your Life���. I left the the ���mean��� streets of Hoboken?��� The answer quickly came to me, ���No, I could second half of my life behind not.��� I quickly ran out and got myself three part-time jobs in order to procure decades ago. I must be in the (expensive) shelter and (cheap) food to eat. At the same time, I was rushing 8/10 of my life by now. The subaround the city, sweatily interviewing for my First Big Job, as well as dating title is ���How to Finally Grow my future husband. It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. Up���. Why would I want to do As a result of that hard-scrabble chapter in my life, I���m extremely grateful for that now? any and all work that comes my way. I also tend to thank our Newsletter ad���Why Zebras Don���t Get Ulcers���. vertisers often, to the point of obsequiousness. Whenever I feel like grumbling That���s easy. They���ve never heard about the ins-and-outs of work (we all do), I remember that I really like knowof calories or body mass indexes ing that my kids have a roof over their heads, food to eat, and clothes to wear. and they don���t have to pay propCollege degrees will be a bonus. My husband and I remind them of this often. erty taxes. Since that time, I���ve come across some people who are less-than-grateful to ���What to Say When you Talk to have a job, and had friends who have accidentally hired employees who are, Yourself��� I���d say you might need shall we say, heavy on ingratitude and light on work-ethic. Like the old saying a tad psychological counseling. Occasionally I tell myself it���s time to goes, they don���t call it ���work��� for nothing. Otherwise, they���d call it ���just chillin.��� * write another column or pay the property taxes, but that is so depressing I prefer to talk to someone else, even if they aren���t paying attention. For those of you in the position of hiring, I���ve come up with the following: When I Say No I Feel Guilty���. Never! Well, hardly ever. If I can���t say ���NO��� at age 85, it would be very sad. (Lots of times I like to say ���YES���, however. ���Want to spend this weekend in Cape May?���) ���Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway���. Like I would swing in a hammock or ride a bicycle to Flemington. I don���t think so. When I ���feel the fear,��� I chicken out on the spot. ���Liberating the Master Musician Within���. I just had the piano tuned and have been liberating myself with ���The Jolly Farmer��� and ���Skip to my Lou���. A recent reluctant listener suggested my liberation was lamentable at best. ���Secrets of the Millionaire Mind���. Now that sounds like a winner. I���m going to Amazon.com and order this one. When I become wealthy at long last don���t expect to read any more columns. I���m off to a beach-front condo in Cape May where I may write my own self-help book: ���Try Using a Little Common Sense and Save Big Bucks at Macy���s and Kohls at Sale Time���. ���Don���t Fight Depression���. I don���t ���ght it, I don���t even have the time to HAVE it. My Mother went through what was then called a ���nervous breakdown��� and took to her bed for six months. Someday, when I can spare the time, maybe I���ll try that (although I can barely stay in bed for six hours at a stretch.) Don���t be a dummy. Do not purchase these books! They are ���real!��� M A R C H P R O S P E C T I V E E M P L O Y E E Q U E S T I O N A I R E : 1A Please check any of the following that, in your opinion, apply to you: Optimists make me angry. Pessimists make me angry. If you ask me How I Am, watch out, I���m going to tell you. I���m obsessed with my appearance/food intake/lifestyle. I���m obsessed with your appearance/food intake/lifestyle. My top priority this month was buying these new Ferragamo loafers. My new Ferragamos are more important to me than my mortgage. My new Ferragamos are more important than my child���s college-fund. I need a two-hour lunch three days a week, because, well... nevermind. I bet I can hold my breath longer than you.** I really want to tell you all about my personal life, even if you just hired me. I���m more interested in the ���culture��� of this company than the job itself. If you checked any of the above, we sincerely appreciate your honesty. Thank you so much for your time and, hey ��� good luck on your job search! (But we won���t be needing your help at this time. Good-bye.) During this month, I wish you lots of diligence, plus the Luck of the Irish! *Just Chillin��� could be a good name for a new frozen yogurt place, right?! We���re just giving the ideas away for free here. We���ll send you a business plan on that momentarily. 2 0 1 3 **Seriously, a co-worker once said this to me. My snippety reply? ���That���s nice. Get back to work.��� 1

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