Clinton Township Newsletter

3 S e p t e m b e r 2 0 1 8 Carol Beder's Shades • Motorized Shades Blinds • Drapes Plantation Shutters • Awnings You Deserve Them! 908.236.2688 14 Lebanon Plaza n WindowExpressionsNJ.com Twenty five years ago this August, my husband and I became parents for the first time. Taking our first son home from the hospital was like every Christmas and birthday rolled into one, albeit with a whole lot of sleep deprivation to come. Three years later, we were blessed with a daughter, and then another three years, another son. All are adults now, and to say I've learned a lot from mothering these three wonderful people is very much an understatement. Here a couple of bits of advice I would give new parents, in no particular order. 1. Don't hesitate to accept help. If someone offers to watch your child so you can sleep, shower, get to the grocery store, or just lie in a hammock and look at the sky – take it! My just-retired father-in-law (bless his heart) visited me and my newborn son almost daily during those first couple of months. He helped in a way he had never before with his own: changing diapers, giving bottles, rocking the baby. I think he and our son's close relationship was the result of his hands-on work, and I was able to remain sane – bonus! 2. Our rules aren't necessarily the same as other families' rules. My husband and I let the kids know (often) that just because something is okay in a friend's house, it's not necessarily okay in ours. Practice saying this line, "Be angry at me all you want, but I love you, and you're still not allowed to/still have to do: XYZ." I'm also a fan of "Because your dad and I feel we know what's best for you and because I/we said so." Figure out your own family's rules and stick by them if they're right for you. I think your kids will appreciate it... someday. However... 3. Figure out solutions for hypothetical situations early – and then be prepared to bend. Before they were born, my husband and I agreed that we would always present a united front towards our kids. Little did we realize that our children might test us. ("Well if Dad says it's okay, do YOU say it's okay?" "What if everyone else's parents say it's okay?" etc.) Our daughter was so good at this that we challenged her to write and then present her persuasive arguments. It often worked. I'd like to think it might have helped prepared her for the corporate boardroom. 4. It takes a village to raise a child and, no, everyone else's parents do not always say 'yes'. To find this out, your job is to get to know "everyone else's parents" – and ask them their opinions. Also, I made sure to let the parents of my kids' friends know that I was open to hearing anything negative about my children and their actions. (I asked them to just give me a second to prepare myself for the news first.) After all, I never wanted to be one of those parents who says "not my kid." 5. Treat your children with respect, and they will, in turn, treat others the same. While my husband and I tried to be parents to our children, and not their best friends, we did try to treat them with the dignity and respect they deserve as human beings and as future adults. They always had autonomy over what they wore, the sports and activities they were involved in, what they wanted to call themselves, how they wanted to decorate their rooms, the classes they wanted to take, etc. 6. Choose your battles. What matters (maybe not always in this order): health, happiness, compassion, empathy, respect for elders, the law, academics, recreation, exercise, hobbies, art (in our house), college. What Doesn't Matter: wealth, clothing labels, house size, sports my husband and I prefer for our kids (as opposed to our kids' preferences), perfect homework, outfits that match, and... oh ... the list is long. 7. Family dinners ARE important. Once I read that one tip for raising happy, successful children is for the family to eat dinner together as many nights a week as possible. How the two were connected was beyond me, but it seemed relatively easy enough so, for the last 25 years, we have. (When everyone is feeling cranky, turn out the lights and eat by candlelight.) The kids are alright – I highly recommend it! 8. The single most important thing we can do to raise happy, healthy children is to LOVE them unconditionally. Unconditional love helps safeguard them from a lot of life's ills, and strengthens them for its challenges. And, as the song says, it's what the world needs now. Good luck! – Julie Fl�nn H u n t e r d o n P r e P a r a t o r y S c H o o l Hunterdon Preparatory School is a private, not-for-profit day school serving students between the ages of 12 through 21 from over 45 school districts and 9 counties in New Jersey. Our students are complex learners who benefit from individualized instruction and social support experiences that enable them to discover their abilities and talents. At Hunterdon Prep we believe that by working together we can create a community that can meet everyone's needs. There are many ways to support The Hunterdon Preparatory school and we value any and all gifts. Hunterdon Prep is a not-for-profit, 501(c)3 organization and your gifts are fully tax deductible. Gifts to the Education Enrichment Fund can be made at any time and are appreciated year round. Visit: www.HunterdonPrep.org for more information!

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