Clinton Township Newsletter

1 M a r c h 2 0 1 7 Marc h 2017 There was a time when I satisfied my addiction to celebrity by devouring each week's issue of "People" magazine, perhaps due to my own lifetime ambition of becoming a famous Hollywood or Broadway legend. The goings and comings of Tom Cruise and Jennifer Lopez seemed vital to my very being as I lived vicariously through these stars. Now, I confess, I can "read" "People" in less time than it takes me to lose an argument with an HMC Security Guard about the demerits of Donald Trump. I find the extravagances of the Kate Hudsons, the marital travails of Brad and Angelina and the never-ending baby-making of the Duggar family to be truly obnoxious. When a celebrity wedding costs over a million dollars (and, most likely, will not last as long as a loaf of whole-wheat bread), I think of so many ways to use that astounding amount of money. There are homeless folk, there are tornado, flood and hurricane disasters, there are diseases begging for research dollars. And yet, a bridal gown worth $10,000 is put in storage after the wedding. (Speaking of which, designer John Galliano created a masterpiece for Melania Knauss when she wed billionaire Donald Trump. The gown is rumored to have been created for a price tag of about $200 - thousand). I wince at the descriptions of Hollywood couples who declare their mates to be "so perfect that my life is now complete" until a year later when they declare "we will remain good friends for the childrens' sakes' ". Mates are "living a dream" except when "trying desperately to lose pregnancy weight". Makes me want to barf because it doesn't take a Sigmund Freud to see through the insincerities. And photos of the latest styles! If I were to walk down Clinton's Main Street wearing that low-cut Proenza Schouler dress with 8-inch Mary Katrantzon heels, someone would haul me off to the funny farm for exhibiting body parts unbecoming to a Little Old Lady from Lebanon. Plus I could only traverse two steps before breaking a hip. And the advertisements! I couldn't achieve a flawless appearance unless my all-day concealer was a paper bag over my head. Sleek hair and striking eyeliner are not for the faint of heart. And if I persuaded my gaggle of doctors to prescribe half the medicines "People" promotes, the side effects would end my life before daylight savings time resumes. So, I ask myself, why do I continue to renew it? Am I afraid I might miss a Hollywood scoop or a trend toward purple mini dresses for next Fall or a newly discovered cure for arthritis? I will admit that a recent issue provided me with a great recipe for Buttermilk Biscuits. "Field and Stream" is starting to look like an option. One thing I really love about St. Patrick's Day is that we know Spring, my favorite time of year, definitely can't be far behind. There's one thing about it that makes me cranky – Daylight Saving Time (DST) – the practice of advancing clocks by one hour so that evening daylight lasts an hour longer, while sacrificing normal sunrise times. We adjust clocks forward one hour close to the start of Spring and adjust them backward in the Fall to "Standard Time". Is there anyone else out there who finds this concept annoying and outdated? Sure, I love having the "extra hour" of daylight each night after DST, but isn't this just a form of magical thinking? The sun does not consult with the clock. Does anyone really enjoy changing the clocks twice a year? Fall Back? Spring Ahead? No thank you! According to Wikipedia, the reasoning is thus: "Starting on April 30, 1916, the German Empire and its World War I ally Austria-Hungary were the first to use DST (German: Sommerzeit) as a way to conserve coal during wartime. Britain, most of its allies, and many European neutrals soon followed suit. Russia and a few other countries waited until the next year and the United States adopted it in 1918. Broadly speaking, Daylight Saving Time was abandoned in the years after the war (with some notable exceptions including Canada, the UK, France, and Ireland). However, it was brought back for periods of time in many different places during the following decades, and commonly during World War II. It became widely adopted, particularly in North America and Europe, starting in the 1970s as a result of the 1970s energy crisis." I remember one year the State of NJ decided to roll out a new, state-wide standardized week-long test... scheduled to begin the first Monday after DST. (Have you ever tried to get pre-teens up an hour early? It's like pouring molasses at the top of the stairs and waiting for it to get to the bottom.) Flabbergasted, I emailed our Superintendent. (I have a tendency to go straight to the highest authority I can get ahold of). Her response, paraphrased: I know -- it's terrible. That decision came straight from the State, and we have no say in the matter." Was no one in the NJ Education Administration checking the calendar when planning their testing schedule for the year? Or were they, like me, trying to pretend that DST doesn't actually exist – again, magical thinking. (By the way, pretending situations don't exist doesn't actually work – just saying.) DST, according to Wikipedia, is generally not observed near the equator, where sunrise times do not vary enough to justify it... Only a minority of the world's population uses DST... Asia and Africa generally do not observe it. The solution is simple – let's just decide on one time and stick with it! Of course, the decision to do away with changing the clocks twice a year will have to come from a higher authority than I. Who's with me? Happy St. Patrick's Day! – Julie Fl�nn "May you have the hindsight to know where you've been the foresight to know where you're going and the insight to know when you're going too far." ~ Irish Proverb Jie Fly, Edit Since 1982

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