Clinton Township Newsletter

1 J u l y 2 0 1 4 EDITOR'S COLUMN b y J u l i e F ly n n Screen" theatres and render astute criticisms of all the latest productions. I would do this at no charge provided the "Fork" part included a light lunch and beverage. Another possibility... I think a few of the anesthesiologists at the Medical Center would benefit from having me test their knockout stuff. I'd take small samples to try at home when slumber evades me or my anxiety level peaks. In pill or capsule form or, perhaps, mixed in a bowl of coffee ice cream. See what works fastest and best. Bottom line, the cuddling and snuggling jobs still seem like more fun than the others. I especially favor "spooning" for a calm, relaxing experience. I could run an ad in this Newsletter: When you're retired and life is in the slow lane, you tend to come up with ideas like the above. Or, perhaps, it is simply early onset of Alzhiemers. Well, now I've heard everything! There are real people out there who charge $100 – $120 (for an hour and a half) to hug/ snuggle/cuddle you. This is a strictly pla- tonic, sexless profession designed to relax the snuggle-ee. I'm submitting my resume for such a job because at 86 there aren't a lot of opportunities to make an easy buck. Once you put a dollar value on something, it becomes more desirable. I'd sure like being paid to be more desirable. Huggers claim that the more athletic teams touch each other, the better they play their sport. Nice, friendly touches – hugs, handshakes and such. Tackling and punching don't count. I've come up with several other "professions" that are appealing. I'd like to be a dessert taster at Christie's in Clinton. They could use the impar- tial opinion of a local senior citizen on which desserts pass muster. I'd even be willing to negotiate a more modest fee in return for seasonable pies and cakes to take home. Do the folks at Flemington Department Store need a mattress tester? I'm willing and able to make daily trips to their mattress department, remove my sneakers and, like in "The Princess & the Pea", climb aboard Beauty Rests and Posturpedics for appropriate periods of time and then (once I awaken refreshed) relay my findings to the sales manager. Surprised they haven't thought about a deal like this before. A favorite job would be to be a paid movie critic. With a college major in drama, I'd be a natural to attend film premieres in their "Fork & • I'LL REACH OUT AND TOUCH SOMEONE (carefully) • PROFESSIONAL HUGGER/SNUGGLER • YOUR HOUSE OR MINE • COST; $100 per hour (negotiable) • PLATONIC PLEASANTRIES PREFERRED C L I N T O N T O W N S H I P N e w s l e t t e r ® **Don't worry kids, I haven't worn a bikini in years... and I don't plan to anytime soon. J u ly 2014 –Julie Flynn J u l i e F ly n n, e d i t o r Since 1982 "It is easy to take liberty for granted, when you have never had it taken from you." ~ Author unknown "So Many Possibilities" b y r u t h K e e s i n g The U.S. Flag Code, section 4-(d) states: "The flag should never be used as wearing apparel, bedding, or drapery." During our country's Bicentennial (in 1976) however, flag clothing was everywhere. At the age of ten, I thought it was the coolest-thing-ever to wear the stars and stripes of our flag. Back then, my older sib- ings had a Billy Jack hat (remember those?) with an American flag pattern that I thought was particularly awesome. I do realize however, that other people feel differently. To wear the stars and stripes of our flag can be considered disrespectful to some and, for that reason, I can't quite bring myself to actually buy anything like that now... that and the fact that a 48-year old woman in a flag shirt or pants might look just a tad – I don't know – ridiculous. (This 48 year old woman, at least. I'm sure you, however, would look fantastic in that outfit).* It was only through my son's time in the cub scouts that I learned the proper way to hang an American flag. The blue field is always on the left, regardless if the flag is displayed vertically or horizontally–thus the reason flags are usually two-sided. "4-(a) "The flag should never be displayed with the union down". (f) "The flag should never be used as a covering for a ceiling." But what about a teenger's wall? Is that okay? In 1976, when my oldest brother went away to summer camp for a week, my mom redecorated his room in all red, white and blue. I don't know where she got it, but she covered one whole wall in a huge fabric, American flag. I envied my brother his new room, which was almost as great as my own (acid yellow and acid green). Whether any of this would fly with a interior designer was anyone's guess, but I remember my brother loved the re-do. It stayed that way for years. Section (g) states: "The flag should never have placed upon it, nor on any part of it, nor attached to it any mark, insignia, letter, word, figure, design, picture, or drawing of any nature." Well, I suppose we broke that rule with the design above but is there an exception for the Constitution which perfectly lends itself to being coupled with the American flag? Putting the Facebook logo on top of the flag however, is probably very, very bad. (i) "The flag should never be used for advertising purposes in any manner whatsoever. It should not be embroidered on such articles as cushions or handkerchiefs and the like, printed or otherwise impressed on paper napkins or boxes or anything that is designed for temporary use and discard." I'm pretty sure I've broken this rule somehow – probably many times. (k) "The flag, when it is in such condition that it is no longer a fitting emblem for display, should be destroyed in a dignified way, preferably by burning." I know enough that you do not want to do this yourself. This is what you call our local boy scouts for who, every-so-often, will hold a flag-burning ceremony. Nobody gets hurt and nobody gets offended. As opposed to my new American flag bikini.** Painful to look at on me, and quite offensive. Speaking as one whose American citizenship was called into question years ago (I was born on an Army base in Heidelberg–my purse containing all my official documents was stolen – long, awful story) ...our American flag makes me happy and yes, I'm very proud to be an American. Enjoy your 4th of July! *Ruth and Tom Jefferson look pretty fabulous in stars and stripes, don't they?

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