Clinton Township Newsletter

3 m a y 2 0 2 0 ..continued from page 2 put two teenage kids through college and to support us. I opened a door and began a career with the Bell System that lasted 25 years. How I originally got the job was by using a lot of spunk and a few "fibs". At my first interview, I told them I had a Masters in English degree. In actuality, I had an Associate's degree in Drama. But I needed the job and by the time they got my college transcripts and found out the truth, I was doing the job so well they let me stay. It turned out to be a wonderful career where I met so many new people and proved to myself that I could be a success in the corporate world as well as in the kitchen. I also began writing freelance columns for local newspapers. The Westfield Leader, the Elizabeth Daily Journal, the Plainfield Courier and the Times. Well, it was the Scotch Plains Times, but I told everyone I was a featured columnist with the Times. None of that would have happened if I had not been left a widow at such a young age. I married husband #2 in 1971. We met when he took photos for the columns I wrote. Fred was, at that time, the Photo Editor of the Courier News. Soon after he retired we began publishing the CTNL. He used to ask me to write a column when he couldn't find a "real person" to write a guest column. Those columns gave me the applause, if you will, that I was never able to receive as a Broadway stage star, which is what I studied to be in college. I get a lot of positive feedback. Once, I wrote about some of my favorite things. Next thing I knew folks were coming to the door with white Zinfandel, chocolate chip cookies and homemade coleslaw. I followed with a column on how much I liked BMW automobiles but, alas, none appeared at my door. Through those columns, I've met countless wonderful people and had countless wonderful experiences. Fred's death at age 97 led me to write a small book called "What Do I Do Now?" about handling the chores and paperwork involved in the death of a loved one. I sold several thousand copies and it was so nice knowing that little book helped a lot of people when they most needed help. So I say it again – never miss an opportunity to try something new. Even if it bombs you will learn from the experience. Think out of the box. Who would have thought I would start dating again at age 82? I met a guy at the produce counter in Kings. He was testing cantaloupes for ripeness and asked for my expertise. Well, we had coffee at Starbucks and started dating. I met one guy during a stay at the Holiday Inn in Clinton where I went after Hurricane Sandy. I've met other "dates" while working as a volunteer at HMC. I want to reassure you that I do have important criteria for whom I will date. They must be able to drive at night and cut their own meat. The point is you never know when something good will happen so you must be ready to take advantage of every opportunity. Be grateful every day when you wake up. Be grateful every day that you DO wake up. Face every day with optimism – even if your bones ache and your reflection in the mirror makes you want to throw up. If today turns out to be a bummer chances are tomorrow will be much better. Cultivate friendships. I make new friends in the strangest places. I was in the hospital with a herniated disk in my back and then in Country Arch for rehab. I now have lunch with a couple of nurses, a physical therapist and the greatest roommate who ever lived. Erma and I truly made lemonade out of lemons. Our room was known as the "Happy Room" at Country Arch because we chose to laugh even while enduring endless hours of physical therapy and pushing our walkers up and down the halls and eating less-than-gourmet meals. I really don't hold grudges. I seldom get mad at anyone. You never know what the other guy is going through. I find it easy to forgive people because when you don't forgive it only hurts you. Life is so darn short and forgiving is therapeutic. Honestly. Be selfish. This is a biggie. My father taught me at an early age to be selfish. Not mean and rude, but to put yourself high on your priority list. That means you can say NO more often. Then when you say YES mean it with enthusiasm. I lasted two meetings as Secretary of the PTA when my kids were in grammar school. There was a lengthy discussion on whether they should serve macaroni and cheese or lasagna for some dinner they were putting on, and I knew right then the PTA wasn't going to work for me. Accept your limitations. You may not be able to do push-ups but you can walk reasonably well. I'm quite productive even though I can't parallel park in Clinton. I never learned to water-ski or snow-ski and my gut feeling is that I've missed both drowning and multiple bone fractures. I know my chances of marrying a millionaire are slim to none (unless someone in the audience...). I try to focus on the things I can do. Occasionally I live dangerously. • I drink milk after the expiration date. • I talk to bus drivers when the bus is in motion. • I remove tags from pillows and mattresses the minute I unwrap them. • I wash garments that say, "Dry Clean Only." • I undo my seat belt before the plane comes to a complete stop. To summarize my suggestions for living a positive life while aging at a pace faster than the speed of light: • Cultivate a sense of humor. Laugh at yourself. Laugh at movies. Laugh at old I Love Lucy reruns on TV. • Acquire a heavy dose of selfishness. You are unique – a special person unlike any other on earth. Self-worth is not a luxury. It is a necessity if you want a fulfilling life. • Be on the ready to open a few new doors if something looks like it might be interesting or maybe a tad scary. Even if you fail you will have learned and profited from the experience. And think of the stories you can tell at the next family dinner. • Try to find something positive when bad stuff happens. And it will happen. We all grieve in different ways and I don't think how long you grieve for a loved one is a measure of the depth of your caring. Grieve, but have one eye on a productive future. Surely your lost loved one would have wanted you to get on with your life. • Make a couple of new friends every year. Think outside the box for this one. Friends are often hidden in the most unexpected places. • Appreciate your family. If Aunt Nelly had dementia and repeats the same story 10 times in 10 minutes, give her some slack. It would be a good time to laugh. • Do what you are able to do comfortably. And if you have a chance to go sledding or ride in a hot air balloon, consider giving it a try. • Try not to fret about the past. And that goes for the future as well. Make sensible plans and then concentrate on the here and now. • Volunteer if you're bored or even if you're not. • Paint a picture. • Write your memoirs. • Learn something new. I took up tap dancing when I was 82. Take a course in something that interests you. • Exercise your mind and body. • You can make lemonade out of lemons. My Sundays used to be very gloomy after my husband died. I would mope around and feel sorry for myself. Then I decided to rent a good movie from Netflix and make a big bowl of popcorn. I honestly look forward to Sundays now. Nothing I've said is earth-shaking. You already know all of this. Life may not always be the party we hoped it would be. But while we're here we might as well dance."

• Cover